One fine day, while Anjul was making certain sarky remarks in his book of sarky remarks, simultaneously walking down the road in a boring last century american california, he saw brawling by the road a guy in black clothes, a black hat and a mask that did little to hide his identity. He was Antonio Banderas in disguise as Zorro, feeding piggishly on the remains of a rather huge apple. An unlucky apple, if you will. Its mass being pushed into an already oversized belly of the erstwhile superhero and lady-killer. There lay beside that belly covered with the shirt with the excessively tortured buttons, a sword and a leash. A dirty cape clung loosely to the now hefty shoulders, as if doing them a favour. Zorro had turned lazy.
All this did not distract Anjul from working on his sarky notebook, which now had over 2000 sarky entries, none painted black in the background.
When all of the pulp (and some of the seeds) of the apple were safely down LZ's oesophagus, they were carelessly thrown on the road, where they hit Anjul, currently busy with sarky entry 2011. As we all know Anjul doesn't like apple parts being thrown at him, especially those that have all of the pulp (and some of the seeds) removed. He did not like it.
So he went up to the black dress, which was about to give in with the volume of human body in it, and asked the human body in it to apologize.
LZ had not fought in years. The only thing he had done was, however, to look for opportunities to fight. Which were rare since absolutely no one cared about him, except for his son, who had worsened into a teenage zorro fan, and presently owned 1. a pair of braces and 3 inch thick glasses 2. a computer with a million zorro wallpapers 3. all zorro paraphernalia including a lifesize sword and a mysterious identity hider mask 4. zorro underwear (marked Z in zorro fashion). Like his father he had turned into a lazy fatso. He really loved eating. Really. He weighed as much as his father.
So yeah, LZ currently saw an opportunity to fight. Not willing to miss it, he jumped up on his feet in a jiffy. Well, not exactly a jiffy. An hour rather. And he did not jump. He was brought to his feet by Anjul's supporting hands when he failed twice to do so himself.
Now comfortably on his feet and angry as hell, LZ drew his sword. Anjul, in retaliation, opened his book of sarky stuff. And as LZ made his first blow with the sword (which Anjul avoided coolly because it never reached him anyway), he read entry number 342. The entire town had gathered to watch the proceedings. Including LZ's wife, who had more wrinkles than the entire 60+ population of America combined, and covered a whopping 20 square meters of area with her dress. She was carrying a sword just in case. The entry Anjul read made everyone laugh, to LZ's embarrassment. He had received the first blow as bluntly as possible.
By this time it had already been 10 minutes into the incident, and since it was the land of Zorro, he was bored to death. So he said something of the order of "this sucks and I'm bored" and continued his walk + update of sarky book.
This made LZ angry. He huffed and puffed with rage. And he farted. And thus disappeared half of California back to their homes. The rest were too dirty anyways so they decided to stay and watch. LZ excused himself and immediately took out his leash, which he used to make a quick escape to the nearest toilet by jumping over buildings and all.
After about 10 minutes the flush sounded and our superhero came out of the loo. He looked a lot lighter and certainly a lot comfortable, since his clothes almost actually fit now. He looked around for his latest nemesis, a sarky Anjul, who by now had proceeded deep into this as boring as nothing land and was on entry number 2103.
To reach faster Zorro called on his horse. No reply. He called again. Nothing. Remembering where he'd find him, LZ went to the nearest bar, where he saw his horse, passed out. On his table there were 50 bottles of some liquor (no straws) and a million cigarette stubs. After 10 minutes of violent bring-the-horse-to-senses tries and a long, soothing piss, the horse was ready for action.
So back in action with Anjul casually on his way to sarky entry number 2500, and LZ furiously on his trail on a horse that could not follow a straight line. Another 15 minutes into the story Anjul reached a station and decided to board a train while on towards sarky entry number 3000.
On his coach now after an ordeal of ticket procurement process, which proved even more boring than the general boringness of the town, something he hadn't imagined existed, Anjul started on with sarky entry 2504. What he did not know was that the train was run by two thugs (who we assume for the sake of the story are already dead by some accident involving the furnace, a porn magazine and hormonal egos of two sexually active males) and contains a huge amount multiplied by 50 of explosives in the last coach, in the form of liquor bottles all suspended in a single container. There was no way they would sway with the moving train, possibly collide and explode. No freaking way.
But anyway, sometime later, taking a break from his sarky entries, Anjul looked out his window. Only to be shocked by the scene of a horse running with the train, carrying Lazy Zorro, his wife and the kid. The wife's dress had formed sort of a parachute over the horse and was held to the horse by LZ's leash, and this slowed down the horse, who as we all know could run as fast as possible, given the opportunity and the motive. Within moments as Anjul was observing this visual to his shock, the train crossed a bridge, where the drunk horse promptly fell down, leaving the trio in a parachute formation beside the train, hovering, confused, and angry as hell.
Not going into the details of the paragliding adventure, lets assume they in some way entered the coach and were presently standing before Anjul in a smart sword formation, ready to strike. Anjul had his sarky book ready. And then as they proceeded to strike, he read out entry number 231. Yes people, I know. Entry 231 was a little harsh on the family, but as Anjul later told the press, some things need to be done.
On the far end towards the horizon in the direction where the train was going, there were about a hundred people celebrating something. There was a stationary bogie on the track where they were doing that stuff and enjoying whatever stuff they were doing. As soon as they saw the train they knew it was a runaway hence was dangerous. So, as any normal person faced with such a situation would do, they started running. Running in all directions, going for some distance, turning and running back the same distance, so that all they would all end up creating a stampede on the track. They were very intelligent.
Anyway, right now I'm sleepy so lets all believe Anjul and the family got out of the train safe, with of course the heroic sarkies of Anjul saving the day for all of them. The train exploded as graphically as possible, using all special effects. Realising his mistake (and because he felt hungry), LZ apologized for causing all the trouble and throwing the apple without the pulp (and some of the seeds), and proceeded towards the nearest food outlet for a pie. His horse had already made his way to the bar after he realised there was no need for him to climb the way back to the bridge. The teenager kid went home and changed his home page from www.i-am-a-zorro-fan.com to http://anjulpa.blogspot.com. Anjul got to kiss a hot babe. He ended the story with a sarky one-liner when everyone laughed.
And this is how the Sarky Anjul v/s Lazy Zorro adventures went. Thank you Pradyot for the idea.
If you made it this far I needn't say anything to you. If you didn't, well, assume anything.
No comments:
Post a Comment